Man and woman are walking together.
Sue: That meal was delicious. Exactly what I had in mind.
Todd: I knew that’s just what the doctor ordered: a romantic restaurant, candlelight, good food.
Sue: Ten out of ten! Well, nine out of ten, at least. I’m still waiting on dessert, you know. I thought we were stopping for ice cream?
Todd: I had something else in mind.
They walk up the steps to their home.
Sue: I’m glad it is just the two of us here tonight. We needed some alone time with no TV. Or HBO. Or Netflix. Or YouTube clips.
Todd (concerned): No YouTube clips?
Sue: Just you and me, for once.
Todd: But I cued up something really special. Something that makes me smile and think of you.
Sue: Really?
Todd: Really. You’ll love it!
Computer is on when they open the door. They pause for a moment.
Sue: Um, that’s porn, honey.
Todd: Just give it a sec.
She watches for a moment.
Sue: Wait? Is that us?!
Todd (beaming): Yep! That’s us. The first time we had sex. Five years ago to the day.
Sue (in a crescendo of anger): You filmed us?
Todd (watching intently): It’s sweet. Look how far we’ve come.
Sue: You filmed us?! Having sex?!
Todd: Of course. It was a moment I wanted to cherish.
Sue (through her teeth): Tell me that you didn’t post this online.
Todd: Sure I did. On a private channel, of course.
Sue: How could you do that?
Todd: Friends and family only, Hun. Just the people we trust.
Sue twitches at the word ‘trust’.
Todd (genuinely shocked): I thought you would think it was really romantic.
Sue: I think it’s despicable.
Todd: A little rough around the edges, maybe. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say that. I mean, look how cute you look when you do that …Sue? Sue?
Door slams. Sue is gone. A voice from the darkness.
Voice: I told you she wouldn’t get it, dude. You should have just gotten the ring.
Todd: I guess. I just thought this was so much more special.
Voice: The ring, dude, tried, tested and true. You should just be happy she didn’t notice that you invited us over for the anniversary party.
Lights up. A group of people holding champagne glasses are crowded in the room. Awkward sex sounds persist.
Woman in the crowd: Happy anniversary?
Sound of a champagne cork popping. More awkward sex sounds.
Notes on a Napkin: What were we thinking? 