Incubation period finished…finally.

Two fresh sketches here, folks!  Well, one fresh sketch and one sketch that has been sitting under a heat lamp for the last couple of weeks.

The Meticulously Punctual Napkin Writer offered this advice to her delinquent partner: Don’t fuck with my livelihood, bitch.

Powerful words.  She’s a smart lady.  Scary too.  But maybe she’s just been watching too much Breaking Bad.

 

You may want to sit down before reading this.

Dear readers,

We, the Napkin Writers, have an important announcement. Now, if you’re anything like us, a person doesn’t even get to the end of the word ‘announcement’ before you’ve yelled out “you’re pregnant!” regardless of age or gender. Well, in this instance, you would be right. You’ve read correctly, one of the Napkin Writers has a little bun in the oven that will soon become the source of inspiration for many future sketches. Hopefully one about weird baby Halloween costumes (ex. a radish, Yoda or (squueeee!!) a miniature Lieutenant Columbo).

Until then, the other Napkin Writer wanted to offer some valuable advice because she knows that all moms-to-be love receiving often contradictory tips without asking for them.

1. Child-proof your cabinets.
You never know when your toddler will crawl into your lower level kitchen cabinet left open by dad and accidentally close it behind them. And unlike Moby (one of the Napkin Writer’s beautiful Persian feline*) your baby will not meow in order for you to be able to triangulate the sound. They may just fall asleep in there. And trust us, you will not think of looking in the kitchen cabinets when you lose your baby.

2. Don’t let Jr. sleep in your bed.
You might roll over their tail during the night and wake up to a very angry cat. I mean baby.

3. Don’t give your infant table food.
They’ll get used to it and won’t want to go back to their own food. Next thing you know, you’ll have to lock your baby in the bathroom in order to eat your chicken in peace.

4. Be careful when your baby meets a new baby.
They might be aggressive and hiss at each other at first but once they’ve established who the dominant baby is, things will fall into place.

5. Sometimes your child will regurgitate.
It’s normal. Brushing your baby daily may help.

Disclaimer: this advice may be based on owning a cat and never having owned a baby.

As you may recall, the Napkin Writers routinely found their inspiration in the form of local brews. This of course will no longer be possible for the next few months as sparkling water and natural fruit juices will be the new nectars of choice. Perhaps our sketches will have a new healthy spin or start taking yoga.

With that said, this blog will not be going to the way of many a cool blog out there that suddenly, overnight, has transformed into a collection of  daily anecdotes about little Stevie’s potty training including pictures that will make poor little Stevie’s future therapist a very rich lady.  In fact, we vow, here and now, that our blog will never (NEVER!) become “Notes on a Nappy: what were we thinking”.

But there will probably be poop jokes.

Cheers.
The Napkin Writers

* Moby the beautiful Persian feline – an adequate replacement for the illegible napkin that would normal adorn this page, don’t you think?

Stay tuned for some hilarious sketches about advice…and very possibly more photos of Moby.  Just because.